ROADBLOCKS and those darn cones!!

Roadblocks ahead!! Watch out for those tippy orange and white cones laid out in such a manner that it looks like a darn maze. And s l o o w traffic. Of course, roadbocks and cones mean that something is going on, something is being built, and looking down the road a bit, it really wasn't that bad after all! And perhaps the end result was worth all of the "dammits" and slow burns you experienced while the road was being built.Well, we'll see!

Ralph, my brother Jim, and I consulted with Dr. Mark Dayton, Indiana University Health, Bloomington. He is collaborating with Dr. Greg Durm at the Simon Cancer Center in Indy. I will start keytruda, one of the new immuno-therapies, Wednesday. Treatment consists of an infusion once every three weeks and will be done in Bloomington. This is not chemotherapy and tends to be easier for patients to tolerate, but, of course, it does have side effects. It also has proven to have amazing results in many cases. There is another immuno-therapy drug tied to the DNA/gene EGFR that might be a second line of defense. My testing is still out on that one.

Not all of the news was positive, however. The tumors have grown since my first scan and lesions can be found in the liver, left femur and left hip, in the small of the back of the spinal column, and there is a mass in both lungs and the  numerous lymph nodes in my chest. Without therapy, the outlook is grim.

I am not deluding myself that it isn’t going to be a rocky road ahead, but we can work with it.  I needed time last night to let the news sink in and shed a few tears. 

I feel safe and in good hands and I feel the support of each of you—you don’t have to physically stand by my side for me to know that you are sending me prayers and good thoughts. My "stiff upper lip" goes spastic every once in a while, but I take my dammit doll . . .

On my part, I am feeling calm and resolved to seeing this through. It is interesting to realize what kind of thoughts take priority in your mind-stream (and Dr. Dayton has the MRI to prove to Jim that, yes, indeed, I do have a brain) when you are slam-bang up to the wall of your own mortality.

 So far, the inventory review of days past are bringing me pleasure; I'm not skipping the days that I would have gladly traded in for almost anything else, but I finally realize that I can't change even one of them! So I don't keep them under the microscope for very long... no more lessons there, I think. 

I've been lucky enough to have quite few "WOWIE!!!" days, too, so it all balances out. And all of you have participated in some of my "WOWIE!!" times - - like, one of you was born, . . or graduated. . or married . . the good stuff of life.

Love you all.

Beth